100 Days of Joy

I have resolved to be intentional about living joyfully. Why? My eyes were opened when I once again snapped at the kids during dinner a few months ago. Kid A had probably managed to work the word "fart'' into a story; Kid B was probably complaining about the vegetables. I don't really remember, but that's fairly typical. What I do remember is my son saying, "Mom, why are you always so angry?" Of course, I snapped in response to that! I said something about how badly behaved children would make any parent angry. But I was convicted. Reviewing my behavior that night after the kids were in bed and the house was finally quiet, I realized that I do often act and feel irritable. I have a good life. I am cancer-free and have cut back my work responsibilities (which add a thick layer of stress onto family life). I have a nice family, a nice house, a nice neighborhood and country and a Christian faith which guarantees my salvation. That's an overabundance of blessings! Yet so often I pray Psalm 51:12, restore to me the joy of my salvation and renew a right spirit in me. Why don't I feel joy?

My children's Christian school talks a lot about forming good habits, whether physical like washing your hands or mental like writing down your assignments or spiritual like praying daily. It's hard to form a new habit but not as hard as ridding yourself of a bad habit. I think I've developed the bad habit of irritability. I go around with my mental to-do list, rushing from one task to another and cranking at anyone who gets in my way. I don't want to be that kind of person.

I'm not sure how to be intentional in choosing to life joyfully, but I'm going to start with an attitude adjustment. For the next 100 days, I'm going to write down one thing each day that brings me joy. I do not mean this to be a selfish goal of pursuing my own happiness -- it's not about bubble baths and baubles. Rather, it's about living a life of gratitude and praise -- looking beyond me to my fellow humans, this world, and God. 

Nonetheless, today, my joy comes from writing, an internal pursuit. Whether this sort of spewing out my soul's burdens and intentions or making every word count in a short story, writing brings me joy. It's often frustrating and difficult, even just to get myself to take the time to sit down and write. But it still brings me joy, especially when I have a good story to tell or scene to set. I also love the planning process: working out a plot or the logic behind an argument. It carries the same satisfaction as a well-organized closet, which might be minor to some but is major to me! But I'll save that joy for another of my 100 days.

I think the most powerful writing experience I've had was posting an article in public about anxiety and getting responses from people who felt the same way. Connecting to people through writing -- it gave me a greater appreciation for the power of writing and for how the passion I feel about writing might be used by God. I am trying to write regularly to improve my skills as I wait to see how I can serve through this pursuit.