Friday, February 11, 2011

Today's Gratitudes

The Psalms. These ancient poems express raw human emotion -- the whole range -- before God. From anger and frustration and fear, to joy and peace and gratitude. It's good to be reminded that God invites us to pour out our hearts to Him and that all these emotions are acceptable to Him. He desires this sort of honest dialog.

The Psalms often talk about enemies, praying for protection from enemies or the defeat of enemies. For many years, I skimmed over the enemy parts, thinking that I certainly don't have that problem. Besides, some of it sounds bloodthirsty and 'un-Christian', to desire the bloody defeat of your foes. But I've learned as an adult that enemies do not need to be people who hate you or who follow you around trying to kill you. Anxiety and shame can be enemies, as can any other internal battle that impedes your faith. I think of those who struggle with addiction.

My mom reminds me that 'cancer' can be an enemy too. As she sat through chemotherapy, she meditated on the Psalms with that in mind.

Psalm 41 particularly struck me today.

1 Blessed are those who have regard for the weak;
the LORD delivers them in times of trouble.
2 The LORD protects and preserves them—
they are counted among the blessed in the land—
he does not give them over to the desire of their foes.
3 The LORD sustains them on their sickbed
and restores them from their bed of illness.

4 I said, “Have mercy on me, LORD;
heal me, for I have sinned against you.”
5 My enemies say of me in malice,
“When will he die and his name perish?”
6 When one of them comes to see me,
he speaks falsely, while his heart gathers slander;
then he goes out and spreads it around.

7 All my enemies whisper together against me;
they imagine the worst for me, saying,
8 “A vile disease has afflicted him;
he will never get up from the place where he lies.”
9 Even my close friend,
someone I trusted,
one who shared my bread,
has turned[b] against me.

10 But may you have mercy on me, LORD;
raise me up, that I may repay them.
11 I know that you are pleased with me,
for my enemy does not triumph over me.
12 Because of my integrity you uphold me
and set me in your presence forever.

13 Praise be to the LORD, the God of Israel,
from everlasting to everlasting.
Amen and Amen.

In this Psalm, the enemies can so easily be visualized as cancer. I imagine the enemy (cancer) standing beside the sickbed, just waiting for the author to die. The image of the enemy spreading lies "he goes out and spreads it abroad" -- how malignant!

For me, the "close friend" who betrays the speaker represents my body -- something I've trusted and been (literally) attached to me entire life (can't get much closer than this "friend"!). The friend is described as "sharing my bread" and "lifting up his heel against me" -- interesting that the author uses the body-related imagery of eating and the foot. My body, close and trusted friend that it has been over the course of my healthy life, has betrayed me to my enemies. That my physical body cannot be relied upon for support is a shocking lesson but also a lesson valuable to learn as I age. Cancer is a crash course in the untrustworthiness of the body. And, if I weren't learning it now, I would certainly get the same lesson slowly over the (God willing) post-40 decades of my life that start in 2 weeks!

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