The Lost Proverb 32: The Husband of Noble Character

The book of Proverbs ends with Proverbs 31, often titled 'The Wife of Noble Character'. Women have been known to complain that this sets the standard too high. Some explain that this is not a standard but a composite of all the noble traits women have, and others say the woman in the proverb is an analogy for wisdom.

This is a spoof on Proverbs 31, in honor of my husband. Obviously I'm not really trying to add to the Bible. I hope you can tell from previous posts how seriously I take the Bible.

A husband of noble character, who can find?
He is worth far more than an exquisitely furnished mansion on a tropical island.
His wife is full of confidence in him and lacks nothing of value (including a 30-foot yacht to reach said island).
He brings her good, never harm, all the days of his life.
He writes out a shopping list and 'eagerly' offers to pick up the groceries on his way home from work. He comes home like a semi truck laden with everything necessary to run the household (and some unnecessary things too, like those bright orange 'cheese doodles').
He gets up while it is still dark to exercise and read the Bible and pray. That is his thoughtful way to ensure that his wife doesn't have childcare duty during his personal time.
He considers major purchases carefully (like that big screen tv he had his eye on) and discusses them respectfully with his wife before buying, even though he IS the main breadwinner.
He works hard at his desk job and then works out to have strong arms.
He checks on the bank accounts and changes light bulbs around the house so his reading lamp does not go out at night (or, more correctly, he goes out before the lamp does).
His hands are busy texting his wife between meetings to remind her of his love (and check what groceries need fetching).
He is generous in his giving to the poor and is always ready to help a friend or stranger.
When it snows, he knows his family is safe (even though that skylight keeps leaking) and that every family member has brightly colored hats and mittens and coats (that they sometimes even wear inside since he's trying to keep the heating bills down).
He makes the bed when he was the last one out and buys his own clothes (like those brightly-colored striped socks and running shoes with toes).
His wife is considered blessed to have an attentive and respected husband. She goes out for a Mom's Night Out and realizes yet again how blessed she is.
He sews on missing buttons and helps his son sell Cub Scout popcorn.
He is clothed in strength and dignity (right down to those brightly-colored striped socks and running shoes with toes).
He makes people laugh.
But he also knows God's wisdom and speaks wise words. He is full of sound advice but also knows when to just listen.
He plays with the kids instead of playing video games.
His children run to meet him at the door when they hear his car in the driveway. Even his wife has been known to do this, and not just when she needs his listening ear after a rough day.
Many men are noble, but he is the one for me. Others chase charm and beauty, but my noble husband is a man after God's heart. He fears the Lord.
And so I praise him publicly. I love you, Husband!